Wife 1.0 and Girlfriend 7.0

19 12 2009

Tribute to Aira (ucky_iteb@yahoo.com)
I want to share an e-mail from a friend. Here it is :

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In  addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run,  crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help !

A Troubled User.
________ _________ _________


Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to  Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings – Alimony – Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software  augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.  However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the  program Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support
________ _________ _________


Dear Troubled User,
All what Tech Support said is true. I used to have the same problem as you do, several months ago. I looked for solution in the manual under troubleshooting but could’nt find the answer. There is no way you can uninstall Wife 1.0, but the good news is you can manage having dual Operating Systems. I run both Wife 1.0 and Girlfriend 7.0, now. I suggest you to make two partitions in your heartdisk. Install Wife 1.0 in drive C as main OS and then install Girlfriend 7.0 in drive D as the secondary OS. DO NOT install both OS in the same drive or they will crash each other. You can run main utilities and some entertainment programs in Wife 1.0, and switch to Girlfriend 7.0 whenever you want to run your favourite application that isn’t supported by Wife 1.0. I hope this could help solving your problem.

Good luck,


17 12 2009

“Ring berapa ?”


“Yang satu lagi ring berapa ?”

“Cuma mau bikin satu aja.”

“Loh, cincin kawin kok cuma satu ?”

“Iya, om. Cincinnya ilang satu, mau bikin lagi.”

“Oh, gitu. Istrinya ceroboh sekali ya……”

“Yang ilang punya saya kok om……”

“Loh, kok 13 ? Jarimu kecil amat.”

“Iya, om. Emang kecil, biar gampang buat ngupil.”

Hi hi hi……ini kali kedua aku bikin cincin kawin. Cincin yang asli hilang, lepas di laut saat snorkeling di Gili Trawangan dalam rangka honeymoon. Jadi…officially cincin itu hanya berumur 9 hari. Memang bodoh……Kenapa harus snorkeling pake cincin ya? Waktu itu mau ngetes reaksi emas putih sama air laut kali ya?

Saking sibuk dan malasnya, baru sempat minggu ini bikin cincin lagi. Dan mungkin sedikit terpaksa karena sudah menjelang Natal. Pikir – pikir, nanti kalo kumpul keluarga pasti ditanyain kalau gak pakai cincin. Setelah jadi cincinnya mau minta diberkati lagi sama Romo yang menikahkan dulu, supaya umurnya lebih awet……se-awet pernikahannya, amin.

“Mas……mas……pinjem jarinya sebentar dong buat ngupil, jariku gendut – gendut……susah masuknya…”

“Maksud om……!!??! Nih, saya pinjemin jari kaki aja, mau ndak ?”

My Baby Will Born in A Parking Lot

27 10 2009

In that one lovely morning, my wife, her brother and I drove to a real estate agency. Her brother wanted to buy an apartment. As we entered the highway, my wife broke the silence with an annoying request.

“Honey, I think we should find another hospital. The hospital we visited last week, have a small parking lot.”

My wife is a pregnant woman of  2 months. We just found it out 2 weeks before I wrote this down.

I replied, “ And how’s that becoming a problem ? How many car do you want to stuff in to the hospital ?”

“Well, a lot of people will visit me when I deliver the baby. A hospital with a large parking lot will be very useful.”

“Useful ? What is it good for the baby ? Explain to me..”

“Well, not for the baby, for people who are visiting.”

Clearly, hormonal activity caused by pregnancy, made my wife’s logical thinking stop working. Or maybe I just couldn’t understand what a pregnant woman is going through.

O.K., let us compare this. Below is my priority list regarding this issue, arranged from the most important :

The Baby and The mother – The Family – The Visiting People

And below is my wife’s list :

The Visiting People – The Visiting People – The Visiting People

It’s kind of suck, when I put someone as first in my priority list and then find out that-someone put other people in his/her priority list.

“Don’t you think it’s kind of funny that we are deciding where the baby will born over a parking lot ?”

My wife didn’t reply me.

“Just focus on the facilities of the hospital for you and the baby. Don’t waste your time thinking over a parking lot, because my baby will not born in a parking lot.”

Oh my God, if I take my wife’s request seriously, I will consider to find a drive-through visiting  hospital, so everyone who want to visit my wife and the new born baby could visit them without troubled on finding a parking lot, even don’t need to jump off from their car. Imagine that…